Friday, August 10, 2018

Why Won't the Nightmares Stop?

Friends, I need your help.  That isn't something I'm prone to saying to a lot of people in a group like this, but I'm desperate.

I have a problem, that I didn't cause.  No, that was caused by others, two other human beings to be exact.  These men were abusive in general but especially abusive toward me and used their levels of power and authority to be cruel and unkind to the greatest extend of their power for almost four years.  But, the last six months were the worst.  They went to extraordinary levels to deceive me, abuse me, misguide me, misdirect my abilities, hide information and anything they felt would help to bring on my career destruction.

In the end, I stood up and fought back deciding I was no longer going to take the abuse.  It cost me my job and a career that I had loved since I was 10 years old.  Why would they do this?  I don't and most likely won't ever have an answer to that question.

We, as children and adolescents are always told if you work hard, stay the course, do the right will always succeed and be rewarded.  My belief and view of the world was molded by that and I believed it.  My belief was most likely even stronger then others simply because I love the parks and movies of Disney.  Just think of the song, "When You Wish Upon A Star."  My family was blessed enough to be able to take me to the Happiest Place On Earth a couple of times.  There you are surrounded by happiness and the idea, again, that if you hope, wish, and have faith your dreams will come true.  Sadly, these two men made me realize that what I had been taught by family, friends, and Disney about believing in me, in myself, can be and was destroyed.

But their behavior and choice to destroy me, my career and reputation has had an unexpected extremely painful additional symptom.  I have nightmares.

I have nightmares every night.  When I go to sleep, the night in the beginning is peaceful, calming, restful.  But as the night goes on longer the nightmares begin.  As far as what they are, its a few different scenarios but usually it's at work with those two men.  The nightmare is a re-living of the same horrible and terrifying abuse that I sustained for four years but most of the nightmares are set in the time period of the last six months of my career.

At first these nightmares were a nuisance.  Now they are a significant problem.  I often wake crying.  I talk in my sleep, that's not unusual for anyone, but the handful of folks that have been nearby when I take a nap or sleep, even with my door closed, say I'm talking in my sleep and it sounds as if something is very wrong and that I'm very upset.

The question I have for all of you, my friends, is what can I do to stop these nightmares?  They are happening ever time I sleep at night and often if I take a nap.

They are extremely painful and bring my spirits down all over again.  It's like reliving the final six months of my career over and over again.

Let's be honest, if I don't get these dreams under control, suppressed or eliminated they will continue to do damage to me as a person and the pain is unbearable.

Please help.

It's truly disturbing what lengths these two men went to, to do harm to me but I imagine they didn't realize the pain and damage would be to this extent.  And, if they did realize that . . . well that is nothing but evil if they knew this damage would occur.

If you would like to contact me and help me with my nightmares please become a member or 'follow' my blog and then post a comment at the bottom of it with the information you want me to have.  I'll appreciate any advice and guidance you can give me . . . I can't go on like this.

By they way my only goal here is to get rid of these horrible nightmares and move on to a happier and more fulfilling life, if I can.

UPDATED NOTE:  Now that I have edited the blog page itself, everyone should be able to leave comments.

Thank you for listening and for caring.

Bryan W. Rupp